The Bridal Book

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ON THE COVER

Old (and bad) joke... A patron is leaving a restaurant after an unsatisfactory meal when the waitress stops him and says, "Hey, how about a tip?" The patron replies, "Here's a tip: Don't eat here."

In actuality, tipping is not that funny. In fact, with a variety of industries-especially the wedding industry-dependent on the gratitude of customers, the art of tipping often causes more angst than humor.

And with the myriad of service personnel who will handle your wedding, the apprehension only gets worse. Whom to tip? When? How much? Tipping etiquette varies all over the country, but here are the rules for the Tri-State area.

Who: Caterer/reception hall (usually includes entire reception staff)
When: In most cases gratuities are included in your bill-but be sure to check. If you need to grease any additional palms, do it after your reception.

How much: When it comes to your reception, whether it's a catered affair or held in a hotel, the customary 15-percent tip is almost always added to the bill. In fact, in some cases the tip is adjusted to 18 to 20 percent due to a large number of guests. The included gratuity usually covers the entire staff-catering managers, hotel banquet managers, wait staff, and bartenders. "I always tell my clients that if a reception is $100 a head, think of it as $100 plus, plus-that's $100 plus tax, plus gratuity," says wedding consultant Fran Bernard, owner of Premiere Parties in Armonk, New York. If you are given an assistant for the day as part of your reception package think about giving them a separate tip of about $50, since they will be helping you with your more daunting tasks-your bustle, trips to the ladies room, or unexpected emergencies like the heel of your shoe suddenly breaking.

Who: Transportation personnel
When: After the entire service is provided, whether it's one-way or round-trip.
How much: It's routine to tip the driver 15 percent of the total bill. Give more than 15 percent if the service is extraordinary-like if there is an unexpected bottle of champagne in your limo (a gift from your driver), or the driver gives up his large umbrella to help keep you dry in unexpected rain.

Who: Ceremony officiant
When: After the ceremony.
How much: Priests, clergymen, rabbis, and other religious officants will usually accept a tip as a donation to their establishment.

bridal bucks

Figure at least $100 if you're very involved with your institution. Tip organists and ceremony musicians as well-at least $50 for the group-if their gratuity was not included in the total bill or donation. Give non-religious officants (Justice of the Peace) at least $50 for their services.

Who: Florists and bakers
When: After the delivery on the day of your wedding.
How much: Consider tipping the delivery people about $15 each, depending on the amount of labor entailed-give a little more if they have to carefully guide your eight-tier wedding cake or chupah up a very narrow staircase. The prices you have negotiated with the actual florist or baker are set prices and, while certainly not opposed to a tip, these people do not expect to receive one. "That's true," says Judith Bauer, owner of J. Bauer Sculpted Wedding Cakes in Norwich, Connecticut. "In the past it may have been different but normally we don't expect to be tipped." If you still want to tip your florist or baker-usually one to two percent of the entire bill-send it to him through the mail.

Who: Musicians and photographers
When: After the last song is played and the last snapshot is snapped.
How much: Just like the florist and baker, tipping your band and your photographer is completely optional and not expected. But if you've received exemplary service, feel free to tip. "I think in our profession, tipping happens maybe five percent of the time," says Marc Shaw, owner of the Marlton, New Jersey-based wedding music group MVP The Dance Band. "In nearly all the circumstances you've already worked out with the couple what the price is, and what it will be if you end up going later than the designated time." What Shaw did say is appreciated, however, is a meal for the band. "A lot of times, people are very gracious and provide that."

Who: Beauty services (hair, makeup, nails)
When: After the service is provided.
How much: At least 15 percent for each beauty professional, more if they come to your home the day of your wedding. Also, if you are having a very difficult and extravagant style done to your hair (same goes for nails and makeup), think about tipping 18 to 20 percent.

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